How to write a perfect Cover Letter...

And so it all started as just another day and ended up like this... I always knew I had a part of my ass inside my head so it always felt a bit larger than the rest of my body... anyway, what’s the use cursing myself when I have ‘do the do’...

So I had a career day at college today and companies came to sell themselves to us... can you imagine how much the poor career cell head would have had to slog to get even those 4 companies on board in this time of recession... I mean it’s the worst kind of profile in these tough times... to try and get a bunch of dopey looking-‘trying to act smart’ type-college ruffians, some work to do...

Anyway so one particular guy who had come from one particular company was acting particularly cool and I went up to him at the end of the session to ask one particular question “If I send you my cover letter... do you want me to be brutally honest or painstakingly diplomatic?” and he confirmed in favour of the former... So here goes my Cover-Letter to him...

Dear XYZ,

You have seen me already so you know I am of slight disposition but of towering claims...

I was born and brought up in a small town with a bunch of morons for siblings and an activist for a father. He thought he was save-guarding my human rights by keeping me off all men except the three in my family... So the first thing I did when I got my first salary check was to call my dad and tell him “Hey dad! I am independent now and I have a boy friend... Oh! By the way he is Muslim...”

I guess by now you must have gathered how much of a free, sovereign mind I have and oh! Also a self-starter... did you not use this specific word when you were selling your company?

Anyway... about being able to work in teams... let me carry forward the theme of my boy-friends to explain how I truly am an adjusting person. I have made a record number of 7 boyfriends in my life so far of which 2 were Muslims (one Shia and the other Sunni), two Christians (Protestant and Catholic... the latter asked me to convert and I showed him my back side...), then there was a Sikh and one nonbeliever... one of them spoke a lot about his car and his father’s money so I never got to figure out his religion, though he was a good kisser... So that’s the story of my national integration sealed with a kiss... At the end of which, I have prudently adjudged a settlement over a south Indian boy as that part of the nation was hitherto unharmed by my manoeuvres. Believe me when I say that I have the ability to integrate teams...

Once the team work issue is resolved I would like to touch upon my hard working abilities... well you see I have been born and brought up in a third world nation. The phrase “working like a dog” that Beatles so cunningly added to their famous lyrics... came from my side of the fence...

Ah! and I forgot to mention my organisational and planning skills... Ok so here’s a lesson for you... never ask a woman this question... There’s no species better at planning and organising than Lady-dom and hence, it’s always a man who gets perfect surprises and it’s always a woman who is left only dreaming of them...

About my intellect, I’ll tell you a thing or two... I am smart, young and I look good... that’s half the battle won... I’m sure you won’t pay me more than what is worth winning half a battle for anyway...

Finally coming to the question of having the writing skills... if you’ve still not figured out then you will never figure out...

I hope I have satisfied you completely and now I hope to hear from you soon so I could exhibit my linguistic skills as well...