When I went dry in the middle of his orgasm!

When did ‘Constancy’ become my first love... I often ask myself. It was the day I first saw him that I divorced ‘Change’. Constancy gave me a strange sense of security... of being at the same place all the time, around the same bunch of people... frowning inside while they smiled on the outside. I loved Constancy... he gave me the freedom to wake up every morning at exactly the same time to get dressed for ‘Work’... and then he let Work screw me every day. But I never quit... until the day a huge ‘Crisis’ hit my life...

Crisis by the way was the only adventure in the flat terrains of Constancy... and this once the Crisis was unprecedented... nothing like before... nothing I could undo. In this marriage with Constancy, I finally hit the wall... and with Work I suddenly went dry in the middle of his potential orgasm. Life stopped and I didn’t know where to look and who to ask to find me Change again... but coming back to the famous Paulo Coelho’s sermon on ‘When you want something real bad, the entire universe conspires in bringing that close to you.’ I set out to look for Change... and the universe conspired...

I met and exceedingly understanding life partner-Sumeet and an exceptionally uncommon man-Satyabrat Dam (satya1302@gmail.com). It was when I was a Radio Jockey with Big FM in Delhi. I read in Delhi Times about this Navy Commander who was looking for some women in India to go on a trip to the Arctic (Not sure of the details of the expedition.) I had a huge showdown with Constancy that night for he wouldn’t allow me to go... he had successfully managed to create a web of responsibilities around me... that of playing Work’s concubine so he could pay me to fund my own marriage to Sumeet.

I was so frustrated I could die... all I wanted was to dress in a frilly frock with two plats and a pair of pink shoes before the austerities of married life would strip my childhood away. I called Sumeet to ask if I could go to the expedition or even someplace else where so much technical training wasn’t required... this was 3 months before my marriage date. Sumeet was nice and calm. He assured me that we could do it once I’m married because right now I’d be answerable to my huge family but once I’m his wife, it would be just ‘us’ I’d have to think of. I understood his point and called Satya meanwhile to stay in touch with me for any other ‘Opportunity’ in the future. Satya around that time had taking voluntary retirement from the Navy to go pursue his dream of an oft intercourse with the mountains.... he says mountains are his real home! And I was always invited over for a cup of instant coffee, nutrella pulao and some glucose biscuits.

Soon the universe introduced Opportunity to me and she is such a lovely person. She counselled me while I was undergoing the turmoil of a recent break up with Constancy. She promised to me that ‘Ecstasy’... where Change lived now, will be a beautiful place for me to overcome my inner Crisis.

This May I came down to India on a promise from Satya that a trip was planned to the most unbelievable place. Sumeet was complicit in this plan for all he wanted for me was to wear that frilly-frock once again and smile like a child.

I started off building my stamina by climbing 400 stairs with 10 kg weight on my back every day and boy! I was so proud of myself... but as a guide Satya was a tough nut to crack. We soon took the bus to Dharamshala from ISBT (Delhi) and after an overnight journey... Oh! You must take a cursory look at the mid-way where buses to Dharamshala stop... besides a variety of newly-weds announcing their lust in different positions... the sparkly, brightly artefacts at the mid-way are a delicious sight. God knows why they have a horse the size of a horse parked at the entrance... on sale for 30 grand. Why would anyone in their right mind, buy a horse the size of a horse but looking like someone has painted his body with peanut butter... from a damn mid-way for god sake!... I mean are they going on a trip to see the Lama-land or on a mission to purchase the worst piece of non-art in history.

Anyway, so the next morning at Dharamshala bus-depot we met up with Surinder who would be our porter for the trip and was he the most adorable boy in the world... indeed! He took us to the point where the road ends... and my expedition starts. It’s not a fairy land... it’s not a land... it’s a place from where the Mountains have drawn their LOC.

Now I thought climbing for 2 hours to the Kareri village was the toughest thing I’d ever done... more than having to walk around with a 10 kilo lehenga on my wedding... but that was the bitter oblivion of what awaited...

On our way we met the residents of these Mountains... the sheep, the cows and the goat... each time we’d take a halt they’d offer us the purest form of life-fresh water and a loaf of sunshine. They promised me that I’d never be alone here and they lived up to promises, I swear on the each time I went to take a leak in the mountains hoping I’m alone but found one of these sheep standing around with ‘promise’ written all over sheepish smiles.

Once atop Kareri I lost everything that I had when I was battling on the streets... and most importantly I lost ‘Words’. It’s the experience of being born again and feeling helpless without the ability to express... everything looked so new and magnificent that speech ceded in the shame of having come from a world that is not this world... how then would it do justice to what it had never spoken of before?

Surinder took us to his home that their family of six built on their own. Cow dung made for the flooring and a stick of corn would hold the entire ceiling together. Wild shrubs were served for dinner and I was allowed to bathe in the kitchen sink where both the utensils and I got collectively cleansed. Surinder’s mother was a generous woman... she had bequeathed her two daughters with the beauty as unspoiled as her own.

While the entire village shone that night with stars that seldom visit my home just right down the street... I slept the most unperturbed sleep of my life.

Next morning we packed our gut and grit in the ruck-sacks... mine being the lightest... both resolve and the weight in the bag. As we lay foot on solemn sands, wet with last night’s rains... I realised that I am finally on my way to meet Change. We halted once a while amidst painfully blue skies, shades of greens, anxious birds and streams of water in their hurry to reach someplace. That evening after 7 hours of climbing, intermittent to which Satya and Surinder kept tricking me by saying we’re just 15 minutes away; I had my first audience with Kareri Dal lake... promiscuity doesn’t bring so much guilt as does the realisation that life had so much to offer and I never noticed. The violets and the peaches, the lilacs and the turquoise... the different strokes of nature sang lullaby that cold stunning night.

Another morning arrived as we tread across Dal lake to start the ‘real expedition’ as Satya would call it. He said to me the night before ‘you have passed till std. IX with distinction in all classes, in just two days... but now is the real test... your first board exam in Xth class... I hope you are prepared.’ When we reached a point where all I had was a space the size of a cell phone to put my foot on and go across... when I reached that point where when I looked down I knew either I get lucky and get across or I go down forever... when I crossed that god forsaken point... I just sat down and cried my gut out and the one person I really missed was mom. I thought I’d never be able to see her again. I just couldn’t stop crying for fear of never returning to the known... for fear of the unknown gulping me down without even farting!

Surinder couldn’t stop laughing at me and the one thing Satya really wanted was to shoot a video of me and put it up on YouTube, but he first calmed me down... and here’s what he said to me ‘look Sujata... you have to learn to see the bright side of things... I know there is a long risky way to go and you’re scared as hell but think of what this expedition would do for your massive ass!’

We came across many such ‘size of a cell phone’ points but all I could think of was my convex ass slowly concaving with all the exercise. After hours and hours of climbing the mountains where the only sounds were made by me like I was in labour pain... we reached Minkiyani pass. It amazes me how for men and women God is a greater item of necessity than is food... even at an altitude where hunger freezes, sensations freeze too... need doesn’t cease to breathe... the need to connect with God... At that altitude I saw a Lord Shiva temple with loads and loads of trishuls swerving in the breeze. Change kissed me again that evening with Gods smiling on us.

After getting a picture taken there to show to Sumeet (actually to put up on face book ;-)) if I ever touch ground... I went tumbling down on my ass over thick ice sheets for almost two miles until rocks summoned me for some more adventure...

Finally came a cave our way with ice-ice all around and not a place to pee. We slept there with extremely cold winds cradling my fortitude all night long.

That’s all it was... that’s the trip in a nutshell... on our way back from next day onwards came villages as pristine as a child’s solitary dream... fruits hanging on trees as young as to make infancy feel shy... I went past the mountains slowly... grudging those that didn’t make any path for me so I had to jump across narrow escapes from death at times... but I often thanked those who gave their lives for carving the seldom paths out of the stubborn mountains, while they were alive.

Mountains may be stubborn and stiff... but they teach you that to live in fear of death is not half as good as to live like death could come take you any minute... so live your ultimate dream every second of your life.